Fear is a negative emotion that arises in a situation of danger. But it is worth knowing that fears are divided into two groups: conscious and unconscious. Today’s article will be devoted to the second type of fears.
Fear of rejection has a huge impact on our lives. It can hinder adaptation in society, success, love relationships. People who experience this type of fear are afraid to admit their feelings or to defend their own point of view.
Where does it all start?
Many people experienced the fear of rejection as children. Some had parents who were constantly busy and didn’t have time to show up at sporting events to support their child. Some children refused to play together on the playground. It’s at times like these that this fear begins to take hold.
Being rejected is the most unpleasant feeling a child can experience. Even in ancient times, banishment from the tribe was the cruelest punishment. After all, it is much more difficult to survive alone than in a tribe. In situations like this, the human need for approval and acceptance is engendered.
How does the fear of rejection manifest itself in everyday life?
Since we live in society, we often adjust to it. We think how people will react to this or that behavior. What is worth saying and what is better to keep quiet about. What is the best gift to give to the birthday child so that the relationship does not spoil, etc.
Those who are very afraid of being rejected, try to please everyone, be malleable, cannot refuse. As a result, such people develop panic attacks, procrastination, and depression. It is better to be unsuccessful or comfortable than to be rejected or even worse to cause envy in people. Therefore, many people follow the following strategy: “It is easier not to realize plans than to face failure”.
Techniques to improve the situation
During the day, try to keep track of your negative thoughts (concerning you), and capture them in a way that is comfortable for you. Then try rephrasing those thoughts.
- The resulting phrase should describe your behavior, not you as a person. For example: I was feeling irritable toward my friend instead of I was irritable today.
- If your thoughts were about other people, you should not generalize without knowing their true motives. For example: my boss was strict today, instead of my boss hates me.
- Make sure that in the new phrases there are no words of generalization and exaggeration: “always”, “never”, “all”, “quite”, etc.
- It is also worth considering that the reformulated phrases do not contain the particle “not”. For example: I would like to be careful the next time I participate in promotions, instead of I will not fall for any more promotions